Intersex People Need Community, Too

Over the July 4 weekend, I was in the Artist’s Alley at Fan Expo Denver, when the most amazing thing happened.

I finally met another intersex person.

I’m 44 years old. Like all intersex people, I’ve been this way since birth. And it was there, in Denver, on the show floor, that I met someone else like me. After talking about my cyberpunk books, I mentioned my newsletter sign-up sheet and the stickers I had of The Intersexion logo that I was handing out.

“I send weekly emails,” I said to this stranger. “Alternating between bookish updates and intersex advocacy.”

“Oh!” they said, looking up from my table suddenly and meeting my eyes. “I’m intersex.”

My heart fluttered. I first came upon the word “intersex” in 2018, sending me on an entire journey of self-discovery and examination. In the interceding years, I’ve talked and written very openly about my intersex body, about my particular intersex variations with anyone who would listen. And every time, I kept hoping that the other person might also be intersex.

It finally happened.

Their name was Atlas. I won’t give away any other details about them. We chatted briefly about how far too many people tried to ask them about their genitals once the word “intersex” was thrown into a conversation. While they seemed comfortable being out, they didn’t want to discuss their particular variations. I get that completely. What’s between anyone’s legs is between them, their sexual partners, and certain medical professionals.

Just like with transgender people (and literally everyone), what’s between someone’s legs isn’t up for public debate.

But it was so wonderful to actually meet another out intersex person out in the world. To speak with them, to shake their hand, to know that I wasn’t the only one one in the room. To see the face of someone else I’m fighting for besides myself.

To find community.

Community is SO important. It’s important for everyone, of course, but for marginalized folks, it’s even more so. Transgender people are under attack. Intersex people are being erased. Now, more than ever, we need our communities to rally around us.

That doesn’t just mean transgender people sticking up for each other or intersex people having each other’s backs. The entire LGBTQIA+ community has to be together in this fight. We have to realize that when they come for one of us, they come for all of us.

And our allies are so important, too. After all, allies outnumber the rest of us by a large margin. Allies often carry all of the privilege needed to help make real change. Allies make a huge difference in this fight.

So no matter if you’re marginalized or just an ally, don’t forget your community. Check in on people, make sure they know you have their backs. Step up when they ask and even when they don’t. Be there for them. March beside them.

Be with us in this fight. We need our community more than ever.