Intersex and Gender

Me and Gender

I first understood that I was intersex well into my 30s.

Yes, even though I was born with my intersex conditions, I only understood them as “birth defects” for most of my life. That may sound harsh and like something I should be angry about, but it isn’t. My view of my body was limited by what I knew, what my mom knew, and what doctors knew. I thought I was a straight, cis-gendered male with some birth defects involving my genitals and my urinary/reproductive systems.

In my thirties, however, I started to broaden my horizons in virtually every way. As I embraced burlesque and re-engaged with theatre, my friend group widened to include so many people in the LGBTQIA+ family. Still, I didn’t realize that I was part of that family. I don’t even remember the exact piece of information that made me realize I was intersex. I read something or heard something. I discovered that hypospadius is an intersex condition.

“Oh. I’m intersex.”

What followed was a small exploration of my own gender and sexuality. Was I straight because I was only attracted to women or because I’d been so conditioned to be heterosexual? I didn’t go and have physical sexual explorations more than searching my own soul and examining my own feelings. Now, I’m pretty sure nobody is entirely straight. Sexuality is a spectrum, and I’m pretty sure we’re all at least a little pansexual. I’m also monogamously married to a woman and quite happy with that.

As far as gender, that’s something I’m still exploring. I wasn’t born with a penis or a vagina, so why should I feel beholden to one gender expression when my body wasn’t beholden to one sex expression? Of course, when you’ve grown up very male for most of your life and are known for your great beard, it can often feel unnatural to embrace the feminine side of life.

But I keep at it. Back in September, I performed in “KC Strips: Heavenly Bodies,” a benefit for the AIDS Service Foundation of Greater Kansas City. Knowing that this was all about so many different bodies sharing the stage, I leaned hard into being intersex and pushing against gender conformity. My costume designer, Arwen White, brought this to life with a gold tuxedo jacket emblazoned with a purple circle on the back. I rhinestoned it until it shimmered.

I paired that with a mesh, see-through purple top, a black kilt, pearls, and dance shoes. Then glitter, glitter, glitter. It was so freeing and wonderful to do that, to hear the crowd roar as I danced with my dear friend Stefanie Stevens (who also choreographed the routine).

Day-to-day, I dress mostly the way I always have. Jeans or shorts and a t-shirt are pretty common for me. But, on my last birthday, I got my ears pierced. While that doesn’t push back against gender on the surface, I’ve leaned into wearing dangly earrings whenever possible, because those do push against the gender binary. In this time of intersex, transgender, and nonbinary erasure, dangly earrings feel like a small protest that I can even wear at my corporate day job.

A Macro Look at Gender and Intersex

Intersex transgender people are not uncommon. Okay, intersex people are uncommon, but among us, it seems that transgender does occur at a higher rate. A lot of this stems from how intersex conditions often present upon reaching puberty.

For too many intersex children, doctors and parents make a decision about the child’s sex and gender. Surgeries are then performed before the child can even form memories. In too many cases, the doctors guess wrong.

The penis and clitoris begin as the same physiological part. In cis-gendered people, this part differentiates in utero. The same holds for testicles and ovaries. They begin in utero as the same thing and eventually differentiate for cis-gendered people. For some intersex people, these organs take different paths. Someone could have a vagina, clitoris, and undescended testicles like Alicia Roth Weigel (author of Inverse Cowgirl).

Some have what appears to be an enlarged clitoris. Surgery is performed to reduce it, and then puberty comes along and develops that person as a male. A male with a ruined penis. The variations are virtually endless when the different intersex conditions combine (as they often do), leading to a difference between the gender someone is raised with as a child versus the body that starts to develop when puberty comes along.

To be clear, not all intersex people are transgender. I’m not. Alicia Roth Weigel is not. But plenty are. Anyone can grow up to feel that the body they’re born in doesn’t match who they feel they are. For intersex people, that feeling is something that often never goes away even with gender-affirming care.

Science vs. The GOP

The current US president and his regime are working hard to erase intersex, transgender, and nonbinary people. They have risen to power by fueling the flames of hatred among their base and pushing narratives to make their base hate people like us. The president’s executive order about “gender ideology” is being pushed now by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., the new head of Health and Human Services.

What’s more, many state governments feel emboldened by this national push toward erasure by attacking intersex and transgender individuals. The Kansas state legislature recently overrode a veto on a bill that bans gender-affirming care for children.

Transgender and intersex people are being pushed out of sports. We’re being forced into bathrooms that don’t align with who we are. We’re being forced out of the military. Politicians are more concerned with what’s between our legs than with real problems facing everyday Americans.

Fortunately, science and judges are pushing back against this culture war that is quickly escalating into a dangerous attack on LGBTQIA+ people. Medical doctors and scientists are publishing or republishing papers on the spectrum of sex, trying to keep the public informed. A recent article in Science News digs into not only the fluidity of sex, but also pushes back against the idea of sex beginning at conception and the myth of sex and chromosomes.

Several of the administration’s executive orders have been stopped or paused by courts pushing back against their unconstitutionality. Judge Ana Reyes has been pushing back against the sexual binary claims and citing intersex people specifically, which has been refreshing to be seen so clearly.

Still, the bulk of the power lies with the administration. The harder they push their agenda, the more bigots feel emboldened. This is quickly becoming more and more dangerous for transgender, nonbinary, and intersex people to live in this country.

How Can You Help?

Keep sharing the truth. Check those facts and sources, then elevate voices that are speaking truth to power. Talk to your transgender, nonbinary, and intersex friends. Make us feel seen. Most importantly, if you see someone marginalized under attack, do something. Put your body between victim and aggressor. Speak up. Fight. Call your senators and representatives. Show up at town halls and protests. We need all the help we can get to battle this administration.